Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
