I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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