I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
