The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
