someone get that fucking seahorse.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
