Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
