evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
