We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
