i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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