Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
