Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
