I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
