You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
