Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
