Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
