No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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