So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
