hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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