dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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