Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
