didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
