she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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