Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
