we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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