my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
