Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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