nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
