So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
