I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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