it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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