i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
