I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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