dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
