I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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