I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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