Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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