I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
