why didn't you poke me back
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
