Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
