Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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