I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
