I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
