i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
