Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
