do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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