I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I want her autograph on my taint
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize