I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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