i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
