The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
