Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
