I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
