i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize