My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
