His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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