Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
