i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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