She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
