Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
