Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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