Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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