Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
