He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
