True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
