His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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