Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
