It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
