when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
