mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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