I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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