So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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