you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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