ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
