I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
