Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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