I heard we made out
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
